Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
