okay pat passed out under dana's car
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
