he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
