He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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