So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
