it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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