I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
