life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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