are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
