you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
