I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
