The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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