NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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