i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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