erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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