my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
