Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize