i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Is Oprah even human
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
