just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize