There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
