i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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