if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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