He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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