Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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