i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
