her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
