you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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