remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
