Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
