If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
