I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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