I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize