Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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