If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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