Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
