Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
