I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
