I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
