The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
