Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
