my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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