either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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