capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
God, I missed his penis.
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