Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
