My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
