dude i'm inner monologue high
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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