Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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