You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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