WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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