i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
