I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
