my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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