What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize