i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize