I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
