Walk of Shame. In a state park.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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