It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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