What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
