I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
