I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
