Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
