i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he puts the penis in happiness.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
