the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
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