So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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