Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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