Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
